Updated: Nov 20, 2019
Last year I started working on an album project, quite by mistake to be honest. I started playing around with Apple Loops in Garage Band and ended up writing a song that I thought sounded pretty good. So, I kept playing around with these loops.
Now, it’s eight songs later and I’m about to release one of the songs next Friday, 29 March. Of the eight songs, Me Too is the most personal and has taken me completely outside of my comfort zone. So much so that I can’t sleep at night. Here’s why. I haven’t self-released any music in 10 years. I’m singing about a subject that seems to both unify and divide. I’m finally telling my story of being sexually assaulted when I was a kid. This is some scary sh**. To be honest, I still haven’t ‘spoken’ about this. I’ve only written and sung about it.
I let my husband hear the track, and while he was listening I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Vulnerability sucks. In his very British way he asks, very slowly mind you, ‘is this about what they’re talking about in the news?’ My answer was it is and it isn’t.
After writing the song I did some research on #metoo and discovered that Tarana Burke, a social activist and community organizer, was the founder of this movement that started back in 2006. Tarana said she was inspired to use the phrase after being unable to respond to a 13-year-old girl who confided to her that she had been sexually assaulted. Burke said she later wished she had simply told the girl, “Me too.”
This week I’ve been promoting the upcoming release of Me Too by offering a free download to people who sign up to my VIP Club and I have already received personal emails and messages from people saying, ‘Me Too’ and thanking me for being brave and sharing my story. But I don’t feel brave. I feel scared. I’m worried about what people will think. Is the song good enough. Am I good enough.
In telling my truth I have realised that not feeling good enough is directly related to the shame that was left by what I experienced. This idea has permeated my teens and my adult life, but knowledge is power. Now that I know where this feeling was born, I can begin the work of growing past it. I’m already noticing that I’m worrying less about what people think. Maybe owning ones truth is the cure to the disease to please. I’m getting back to the me I was before the shame.
My next blog post will be about how I came to write Me Too. Please signup to my VIP Club to get a free download of the song.